Sharon Osbourne ripped British singing sensation Susan Boyle on the popular Opie and Anthony radio show yesterday, saying Boyle was talented, but overly hirsute and in urgent need of a razor. Osbourne then coughed, liberating both an Ozzie hairball and the head of a dove.
Pakistani designers are set to defy the Taliban by hosting their country's first-ever fashion-week, exposing shoulders, legs, and even tattoos. One visiting American observed "Last time I saw that many necks and ankles, I was buying chicken at a gas station."
Matthew Broderick has been criticized this week on several theater Web sites for apparently relying on a tele-prompter for lines during previews of the new Broadway play he's starring in, "Wonderful World." Broderick responded by saying "There are theater Web sites? You're kidding."
England's Rachel Christie, recently dubbed "Miss England," gave up her crown recently amid reports of a barroom brawl with another beauty pageant contestant. Matthew Broderick responded by saying "There are English beauty queens? You're kidding."
A team of four Louisiana scientists have concluded that potbellies may be more the result of genes than of diet. They then loosened their belts, shoveled jumbalaya, beignets, and bourbon into their gullets, and burped out the chorus to "Iko Iko Anay."
Scientists now say that hormonal fluctuations associated with pregnancy may hinder the ability to sing, forcing a lull in an artist's recording career. They say their next scientific challenge is to impregnate Sting.
Fallen pastor Ted Haggard, dismissed from his Colorado Springs megachurch after a man alleged that Haggard had paid him for sex, says he plans to retake the pulpit and commence ministrations. "I think that may have been the problem before," he said. "I was letting him do all the ministrations."
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