Stand-Up + Improvisor + Writer + SAG Actor

FB + YouTube + twitter + RooftopComedy + acting resume

BEST STAND-UP, 2009, Chicago Reader newspaper!

BEST COMIC, 2005 & 2006 Chicago Snubfest!

FINALIST, Best Stand-Up, 2007 Chicago Comedy Awards!

FEATURED @ Rooftop Aspen, DC, & Chicago Improv Fests!

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"Just trust us, the guy's good. We recommend the fantastic DVD (T)wit! He's outstanding ... fantastically absurd." www.chicagoist.com

"One of the most inventive comics in Chicago, Buscemi is poised for stardom." www.FlavorPill.net

"Buscemi is on the cusp of big things. His arsenal of absurdity should be seen before his inevitable exit to a coast." Chicago's New City newspaper

"One of the best alternative stand-up comics in town." Time Out Chicago

"We can't say enough about Buscemi ... daring and fearless, he could easily be the next big Chicago comedian!" Chicago Tribune

"The grandmaster of independent comedy in Chicago." www.TheBastion.org

"Hilarious!" Punchline Magazine

"Holy shit! One of the funniest hours in the history of my life." Shut Up & Laugh Festival judge

"Consistently witty." NBCChicago.com

"Chicago's best! Unique and refreshing ... Buscemi maintains a relentlessly sunny but thematically strange and even dark stage persona." GapersBlock.com

Saturday, November 7, 2009

The Opening Monologue


Sharon Osbourne ripped British singing sensation Susan Boyle on the popular Opie and Anthony radio show yesterday, saying Boyle was talented, but overly hirsute and in urgent need of a razor. Osbourne then coughed, liberating both an Ozzie hairball and the head of a dove.

Pakistani designers are set to defy the Taliban by hosting their country's first-ever fashion-week, exposing shoulders, legs, and even tattoos. One visiting American observed "Last time I saw that many necks and ankles, I was buying chicken at a gas station."

Matthew Broderick has been criticized this week on several theater Web sites for apparently relying on a tele-prompter for lines during previews of the new Broadway play he's starring in, "Wonderful World." Broderick responded by saying "There are theater Web sites? You're kidding."

England's Rachel Christie, recently dubbed "Miss England," gave up her crown recently amid reports of a barroom brawl with another beauty pageant contestant. Matthew Broderick responded by saying "There are English beauty queens? You're kidding."

A team of four Louisiana scientists have concluded that potbellies may be more the result of genes than of diet. They then loosened their belts, shoveled jumbalaya, beignets, and bourbon into their gullets, and burped out the chorus to "Iko Iko Anay."

Scientists now say that hormonal fluctuations associated with pregnancy may hinder the ability to sing, forcing a lull in an artist's recording career. They say their next scientific challenge is to impregnate Sting.

Fallen pastor Ted Haggard, dismissed from his Colorado Springs megachurch after a man alleged that Haggard had paid him for sex, says he plans to retake the pulpit and commence ministrations. "I think that may have been the problem before," he said. "I was letting him do all the ministrations."

Saturday, October 31, 2009

My Halloween Stand-Up Bit, AND My Vampire Video!



I warn you, this stand-up bit is wrong. But I maintain it's more idiotic than offensive. Anyhow, don't say you haven't been warned.

Oh and click through to the AWESOME new 3-minute vampire webisode that reached number one on Atom.com with like 50,000 hits, AND WHICH I STEAL OUTRIGHT WITH A WICKED CAMEO!

Happy pumpkins, fans. xo BUSCEMI

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I've never cared for the scary holidays. Flag Day, Arbor Day, or Cinco De Mayo--which is fun to mispronounce as "CHINK-Oh" De Mayo because it offends two cultures in just two syllables....

But I especially hated Halloween. Because when I was a kid we'd go to haunted houses, and they'd do that tactile sensation trick, where they'd take you into a dark room and say "Reach in here!" and you'd put your hand in a box or whatever and you'd feel, like, wet grapes. But they'd TELL you it was human eyeballs, so you'd freak out and scream.

Or they'd say "Reach in here", and it was, you know, wet noodles and pasta, but they'd tell you it was ... guts and worms or whatever. So you'd freak.

Well this one year they got me really bad. They did that same thing: "Reach in here!" And I did, and ...

Well, it turned out to be ...

Well, a hippopotamus rectum.

And of course they'd TOLD me it was gonna be ... Frankenstein's rectum.

And I gotta say, it felt just like him.


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Ta-daaaaaa! I told you it was brainless.

Anyhow, now CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE VAMPIRE WEBISODE, which they really did make funny and great.

Happy Halloween, everyone.