Ha ha! I was just thinking how funny it would be for a hamster to be a weight lifter and "gym rat"! (I thought that BEFORE I googled this picture, thank-you-very-much.)
The little guy would totally use Q-tips to do curls with, and have a TV in front of his hamster wheel where he'd watch pictures of cheese, or whatever it is hamsters eat! (I think sometimes they eat their young, don't they? Seems I remember my sister's hamsters eating their young when we were kids. Not that that would make you question God's existence or anything, right?)
And you could put little sweatbands on the hamster's wrists and head! With little Adidas logos or whatever!
And the hamster's name could be "Hamster Schwarzenegger"! Or "Hamster Lalane" or "Charles Atlas, But a Hamster" or "Richard Sim-hamster-mons"! Or ... "Jane Fonda"!
It would be so cute! You could make it a little towel to wipe up with afterwards and make a little steam room for it, like at our old gym where homosexual trysts were apparently a big problem, since they were always putting a sign up outside it that said something like:
"THIS STEAM ROOM IS FOR ALL PATRONS! PLEASE KEEP A TOWEL AROUND YOU AND RESPECT YOUR FELLOW PATRONS' RIGHT TO USE THE FACILITY! IF WE GET ANY MORE COMPLAINTS WE MAY HAVE TO RESTRICT ITS USE!"
So maybe you could make a miniature version of that sign for outside your hamster's little steam room, you know?
And you could give him little pilates and yoga classes, and make him Zen out to the meditation cool-down afterwards!
And bark at him to do more pull-ups!
Ha! And you could name him "Oprah Winfrey's Personal Trainer, Who You Don't See Around Nearly So Much Now That Oprah's Put The Weight Back On, Do You?"
And -- and -- and ... you could, I dunno. Make him a little gym-rat membership card.
Ah, screw it. This is all getting way too complicated.
I just feel like the fun's gone out of it.
Plus I have to go do my taxes.
I don't blame you. I blame me.
