So let's see if I can explain this ad I keep seeing on a bus-stop bench in Venice, California.
It's a guy, around 55 years old, holding a baby of a different race, right? Like a 3-year-old maybe. And the guy doesn't have a dentist's white jacket on. He's just holding this kid who's clearly not his biologically.
(I'm NOT discussing the photo accompanying this blog post. I just like the photo you're looking at, and it's damn thematically related.)
The pitch accompanying the bus-stop bench photo:
"ARE YOU A DENTAL CHICKEN?"
And then the phone number and address of a dentist's office.
Got it?
A 55-year old grinning man, holding a 3-year-old kid who's clearly not his genetically, beneath the slogan "ARE YOU A DENTAL CHICKEN?", accompanied by some dentist's name and address.
So ...
1) Is the man in the photo trying to tell us that the baby is a "dental chicken"?
2) Is the man himself a dentist -- our prospective dentist? Or is he the primary caregiver of this "dental chicken" child?
3) Is the man an out-of-uniform dentist, perhaps, holding up a "dental chicken"? If so, why doesn't he ask, "Is this a dental chicken?" And how do we know, anyway?
4) Do "dental chickens" have teeth? Or ... doesn't it sound like the ENTIRE CHICKEN is "dental," or made of ultra-hard calcium? Like a "steel pot" that's all steel?
5) Is the man perhaps asking the 3-year-old baby ITSELF if it's a "dental chicken"?
6) Why do I keep putting quotation marks around "dental chicken"? Is there a time when I'll stop?
7) Or wait! Is the man demonstrating the cure -- holding up a baby of indeterminate ethnicity -- for HIS OWN "dental chicken-ness"?
8) Is he kind of asking US, ACCUSINGLY, if WE are "dental chickens" and ... threatening to throw the baby at us if we are?
9) Or maybe threatening to enact the dentistry that WE need -- ON the baby? Like threatening to make the baby the scapegoat for our dental cowardice?
10) Where did the man get the baby?
11) Is that man the dentist? I think maybe the man is the dentist. But ... how can I be sure?
12) Maybe WE'RE the askers in the situation, asking the man if HE'S a "dental chicken," since that's what "dental chickens" do -- hold up babies. Is anyone still listening?
13) The man's grinning his ass off. I don't know if that's relevant. But the baby looks confused. I don't like this situation one bit.
14) Maybe the ad's trying to determine which of several varieties of chicken we are, like saying "Are you from New York?", only "Are you a dental chicken?" Maybe I should spray-paint back: "No. I'm a SURGICAL chicken. And I don't appreciate being lumped in with you less-educated DENTAL chickens, OK? So cut it out. And that baby looks like its diaper is full."
15) So in that scenario, I look down on "dental chickens" as lower status. Like I'd accept a "dental chicken's" partial country-club dues for pool-and-court privileges, but no WAY is that "dental chicken" eating in our beloved club's more-exclusive dining quarters.
16) Don't you half-suspect that the man's trying to distract us with a misleading question and a red-herring baby while he embezzles all the money from the dentist's office in question?
17) It's quite a dare, in any event: "Are you a dental chicken?" Like your very first lover taunting you by asking "Are you afraid of a little poontang?" You know? That's the tone of it anyway.
