Part 1 of 2: The Life Guard Sitting Tower and My Banishment
So the lifeguard totally kicked me out of the pool today for (so they SAID) running when I should have been walking, and also for bringing food into the pool with me (a snow-cone and a corn dog) and splashing and de-pantsing this kid Todd.
So now I totally have to not come to the pool at all, or if I do I have to sit in the penalty box which is right by the life guard's seat and just watch other people swim all day, unless it's a nice life guard like Garret or Pam and they let me swim for a little bit each period.
Also they hate when I wear my white swim trunks because apparently you can see EVERYTHING through them, which I think is funny, so I wear them most days, especially when it's a new life guard working that day, like that new guy Tom or that new Swedish girl Teresa.
But I totally learned just before my banishment how to do a corkscrew off the high dive, only the first time I tried it I leaned too far forward and totally belly-flopped, and everyone laughed at me and taunted me cruelly, which made me withdrawn and angry for a few weeks, which is probably what led to my infractions that got me banished.
I think I wouldn't have gotten kicked out except I put too much ketchup on my corn dogs as a rule anyway, and I guess it looked like blood and this one little kid named Gerald started screaming from terror and fainted and almost drowned, so they blamed me and sought to contain my wildness.
Part 2 of 2: I Get a Reprieve and Anger a Horny Scum Bucket
So finally I got unbanished like three days early when I promised to not bring food into the pool and also apparently my mom knows someone in city government who talked to the man who runs the entire public pool system and they got me a reprieve so I got reinstated.
How's that for luck on my part, huh?
Anyhow, this older boy today was slathering sun lotion all over this girl right by the refreshment stand and I mean he was REALLY working it in, and a crowd totally gathered, and my friend Darren dared me to yell an insult like "WHY CAN'T YOUR MOTHER DO THAT FOR YOU, MISS???" or something, and I took Darren up on that, for fear of being called Chicken.
But what I yelled was, "HEY, SUNTAN LOTION RUBBER-INNER! YOU'RE A SMALL-TOWN LOW-LIFE GOING-NOWHERE GRIT-FACE, AND YOU'LL BE LUCKY TO STAY OUT OF PRISON, LET ALONE GET A JOB IN A MUFFLER SHOP! ALSO, YOU MISSPELLED 'WHITESNAKE' ON THAT TATTOO ON YOUR BACK! FINALLY--BITE ME!"
And I think my words cut too deeply, because he chased me all the way out into the parking lot and all the way into the park. I was FLYING running and hid stealthily under the bridge that's right by the entrance to the park, so the big lotion-rubbing teenager with the muscles and the little leather-strap necklace with wee shells on it didn't find me. But he LOOKED, boy--lemme tell you. He was AFTER my ass.
So I'm questioning now very seriously whether I should show up at the pool tomorrow at all.
Do you think I should?
